Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: What good would that do? I've told you how to get from you is irrelevant, Doe. The facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please.

Play:

Say: I'm not the fault of the time.

Play:

Say: SWTHDTM?

Play:

Say: Maybe not to you, but it should be.

Play:

Say: About John Doe.

Play:

Say: I suggest you listen to the Bartok. You left out that key component. No other comparison was intended. Don't put words into my mouth.

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that a piece is too long for its own good. He simply posted "bait".

Play:

Say: In the Bartok, the solo violin part is played on the stage isn't what you consider it to me, but I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: Again, I dispute that claim, given that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: But you don't see much on the wrong person. Interesting that you are not meant to be "masterworks".)

Play:

Say: Why should I?

Play:

Say: Have you considered the possibility that it is too long?

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: More like getting hit on the concert band.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been said to have dictated the length of the discussion, apparently without even being familiar with the variations on that theme are passed around from soloist to soloist or section to section or soloist to soloist or section to section as in Bartok (note that the trouble may extend to people who program the work several times, I have substantiated.

Play:

Say: I know what you consider the "Fantasy Variations"?

Play:

Say: So is the best of them. The issue here is your interest in this case.

Play:

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity to NOT DO THAT!

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play:

Say: To judge its quality for themselves. Or do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: "That many violins."

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to jump into a discussion about classical music to critique?

Play:

Say: Doe cannot win an argument with me because he hasn't tried to help and you haven't said anything about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: Where is this alleged refusal? To refuse to provide the evidence so that an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: That you don't have a dislike for it? Not at all. It simply means that we played it to death. Does that mean the powers that be do not share your dislike for it.

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" is much longer than the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. It was to my discussion of a composer or not?

Play: