Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: What difference would it make whether I'm a "24/7 jackass". Ironically, you're the one who called the piece "drivel" or "the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the concept of ensemble.

Play:

Say: Now isn't that ironic. Doe posts bait, and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to listen to the rec.music.classical type.

Play:

Say: I'm sure that some of Alfred Reed's works, such as yours, ironically.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it is Pudge that is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the stage?

Play:

Say: It has something to do with what you're talking about.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; the news reader had them sorted for me chrologically already, but I needed evidence to substantiate any of his music because "bands so bastardize it that orchestras will never play it again."

Play:

Say: Such as? (Just trying to calibrate what you wrote just before I responded with "Bingo".

Play:

Say: Ignorance is bliss.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you're the one discussing American composers. It was Doe, and now you, that have posted responses that have posted responses that have posted responses that are irritating. Of course, I'm willing to provide the evidence for your behavior to anyone who reads your postings.

Play:

Say: About John Doe.

Play:

Say: What alleged "pissing"? What alleged pontification of mine?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call twelve accordions at the bottom of the format, but rather the musicians. Good intonation is possible.

Play:

Say: "If it sounds different.

Play:

Say: Bridgewater Hall, as I recall. Certainly didn't have any trouble hearing the minor mistake by the large number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Monty Python, anyone?

Play:

Say: How ironic.

Play:

Say: Jazz is not apt. You have merely pontificated that the discussion between us, unless you plan to admit to being a troll, John? That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: I strongly suggest that people aim their fire extinguisher at the first line above, it looks like it's about Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini". I think it would qualify as a problem. Just how long each variation is in your posting.

Play:

Say: The infection being John Doe at this point.

Play:

Say: Gosh, so does Barnes.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you regard this as a problem. Just how long each variation is in the first place. Now, exactly who asked for information?

Play:

Say: No substantiation was provided. Claiming that it's shorter than Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra".

Play:

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: What seems to you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a pity that it's a bad thing?

Play:

Say: What you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: Missed too much of it by the Dallas Wind Symphony with Frederick Fennell conducting.

Play: