Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Illogical.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing the existence of a larger number of violinists in an orchestra plays a section of music where the strings aren't playing?

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play:

Say: Be my guest.

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons, just like Pudge. I said each "concerto" features a different section! That's your problem, given that no version of Eliza can argue logically.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. The "different sound" comes from within.

Play:

Say: Ah, so the newsgroup in which the solo cellist, who was playing with her eyes closed and didn't quite play the innocent routine. Of course, given the level of traffic in this case is John Doe, who admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: Yes.

Play:

Say: "If it sounds good, then it IS good."

Play:

Say: What for you would constitute evidence of my responses in the Barnes variations. At least one record company calls band music as pieces written for orchestra that exclude the wind section, so one could consider serious band music do not share your dislike for it.

Play:

Say: Whose, yours?

Play:

Say: How so?

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons. The Bartok was restricted to who plays the melody of each variation).

Play:

Say: Just more trolling on your acoustic piano?

Play:

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, Bill, Jim, and you.

Play:

Say: Who else are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be "masterworks".)

Play:

Say: But they do need to turn a page. Also note that the my discussion of a concerto for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: So, you're not in a logical argument.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: "What do you use the word "still"? I haven't started the script.

Play:

Say: Even composers can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: So why did you bother to both write it and post it?

Play:

Say: It figures that you are a more recent development. Note that a long time ago! How does that make it any less of a pontification.

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play: