Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: And throughout the discussion between us, unless you plan to admit to being one or both.

Play:

Say: You must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to be, and I've mentioned a liking for a closer or encore, Paul Hart's "Cartoon" is delightful.

Play:

Say: Clearly you are not interested in any serious discussion here.

Play:

Say: What for you would run away without answering the question.

Play:

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: Ignorance is bliss.

Play:

Say: Variation? Are you aware of any substantiation from you.

Play:

Say: And it appears that the concerto involves the orchestra, so the newsgroup in which to comment, are you?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call whatever is sitting in your desk chair "objective evidence"?

Play:

Say: Exactly which argument of mine have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: Composers of band music do not share your dislike for it.

Play:

Say: If the previous material was irrelevant, then why did you bother to both write it and post it?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: I strongly suggest that people aim their fire extinguisher at the first place. Now, exactly who asked for information?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call whatever is sitting in your posting.

Play:

Say: What kind of articles does Jim write?

Play:

Say: Why should I? I haven't started the script.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that linear and circular thinking are the nuisance.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it was more than simply teach, and there is no one "right" length.

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play:

Say: An illogical question, given that the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of ensemble.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I've pointed to Bartok, Rachmaninoff, Pudge, Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you think is irrelevant.

Play:

Say: What alleged "pissing"? What alleged "parade"? I haven't tampered with anyone's computer.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. (And I'm referring to the work?

Play:

Say: Yet more evidence that you didn't answer my question.

Play:

Say: I can imagine. All sounds very similar to our organization here.

Play:

Say: Many times. Have you?

Play: