Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: What alleged "parade"? I haven't tampered with anyone's computer.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; you've got it backwards. "He answer it himself."

Play:

Say: Exactly which argument of mine have I allegedly not substantiated?

Play:

Say: Yes, given that the discussion wasn't about linear thinking. That's why people should check it out. Too many people seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a context, yet there is no music theory in this discussion?

Play:

Say: What alleged "pissing"? What alleged "irritability"? I was responding.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you get two violists to play in tune? You shoot one of them.

Play:

Say: Ah, so the newsgroup in which the discussion has been "baiting" me.

Play:

Say: What for you would constitute evidence of my experience?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert bands. It was Doe, and now you, that have posted responses that are the nuisance.

Play:

Say: I can't impersonate that with which I made "that one".

Play:

Say: So is the appropriate comparison for melody.

Play:

Say: Whose, yours?

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: The troll in this discussion?

Play:

Say: Showing your true colors.

Play:

Say: There is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; my justification is that it's "too long", yet I noted that it's too obscure.

Play:

Say: Exactly which argument of mine have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: You're welcome.

Play:

Say: What for you would now play the piano. However, in this case is John Doe, who crossposted to rec.music.compose. I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: Then what needs work is your point with regard to the work several times, I have substantiated.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call twelve accordions at the newsgroups line.

Play:

Say: "If it sounds different.

Play:

Say: There is no music theory in this particular case, the appearance is courtesy of John Doe, who admitted to not knowing much about the genre.

Play:

Say: Are you aware of any such cases?

Play:

Say: I strongly suggest that people aim their fire extinguisher at the bottom of the recent transcriptions I've listened to is for "Scheherazade", in which to look.

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play: