Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Irrelevant, given that no version of Eliza can argue logically.

Play:

Say: Yes you did; look at what you consider it to be perpetrated on the same moment as the English horn?

Play:

Say: Now isn't that ironic. Doe posts bait, and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to gauge the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Why don't you just practice what you preach and play it again."

Play:

Say: Who might that be?

Play:

Say: Yet another attribution problem.

Play:

Say: There are multiple people with that name here.

Play:

Say: Well, that depends. If you trace it backward far enough, you'll find that it's not long enough, therefore whatever direction you're trying to take it up with so far is that the Moon is made of green cheese."

Play:

Say: What appears to you is irrelevant; the facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone who uses two different names?

Play:

Say: Incorrect; the news reader had them sorted for me chrologically already, but I didn't choose the original distribution. However, note that the Bartok is much longer than that, yet Pudge called it a masterwork. Obviously 2 minutes is not "repeated ad nauseum". The theme goes through a set of variations that bear little resemblance to one another.

Play:

Say: On your part.

Play:

Say: More like getting hit on the concept of ensemble.

Play:

Say: Where did I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations" to be "masterworks".)

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been "baiting" me.

Play:

Say: I'm not the fault of the music will be "hypnotically fascinating".

Play:

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is allegedly "quite meaningless"?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; you've got it backwards. "The guy ask question of me."

Play:

Say: The key word here is "if".

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Who might that be?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that we're not dealing with something that "decent people" do.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: What "name"?

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play: