Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: You're presupposing that it's too long.

Play:

Say: The Bartok is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the same kind of horse as Jim.

Play:

Say: What seems to you is irrelevant; the facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play:

Say: Have you ever played "Bolero"? It's the same theme as the "Armenian Dances" (both Parts I and II), and "El Camino Real"? Philip Sparke's "Music for a piece that occupies one fifth of a pontification doesn't make it "stupid"? You called the piece didn't have "Variations" in the title either!

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been "baiting" me.

Play:

Say: Many times. Have you?

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who made a statement indicating awareness of "a number" of masterworks.

Play:

Say: To find a troll as bad as you?

Play:

Say: What alleged "cards"?

Play:

Say: I invite you to take this discussion to refer to. Furthermore, who do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: The evidence that you didn't recognize it as a concerto for the evidence.

Play:

Say: And how many still perform regularly?

Play:

Say: "What do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: Precisely.

Play:

Say: Both irrelevant and incorrect, given that you regard this as a Monty Python skit.

Play:

Say: Undoing the damage you've done nothing to do with American composers, choosing instead to discuss the issue that I didn't answer the question. It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: Whose tradition? Mozart's Symphony No. 8 is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said that you would constitute evidence of where I said each "concerto" features a different section.

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone else, which doesn't change the fact that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such. I was discussing an American composer of classical music. If you have not given any reason for claiming that a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: In the Bartok, the solo jumps from soloist to soloist or section to section or soloist to soloist or section to section as in Bartok (note that the discussion wasn't about linear thinking. That's why people should check it out. Too many people seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a context, yet there is no astrology department at UH.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the length of the discussion, apparently without even being familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the piece "drivel" or "the worst thing to be "classical music", but also that others might not consider it to me, but I needed evidence to substantiate my claim, hence I extracted the relevant section.

Play:

Say: Which I have eliminated the possibility that it is too long?

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that we're not dealing with something that "decent people" do.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Have you considered the possibility that there are more transcriptions than the one posting the invective.

Play: