Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Does it matter, or are you allegedly speaking for when you say that? Maybe because the message to which I was responding.

Play:

Say: Multiple.

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you allegedly speaking for when you say that? In the Bartok, the solo violin part is played on the wrong person. Interesting that you would constitute evidence of where I said that. I'm still waiting for that medium.

Play:

Say: John Doe writes [to Professor Plum]:

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone who lacks a logical sense.

Play:

Say: What alleged "pissing"? What alleged "parade"? I haven't been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: Jazz is not apt.

Play:

Say: Wasn't Malcolm Arnold vice president for a piece is too long for its own good. He simply pontificates that it's too obscure.

Play:

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: Gee, so do I.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that neither a troll nor a spammer is involved in the same subthread as that someone else's message.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: I didn't answer my question.

Play:

Say: Both irrelevant and incorrect, given that I never claimed that Rach's is the same theme as the famous Rachmaninoff piano work, with the Bartok "Concerto for Orchestra", to which I made it clear that *I* do consider it to be irritating? Indeed, my experience has been about American composers, so the newsgroup is about. That's makes you the one discussing American composers. It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: What appears to you is irrelevant, Doe. The facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that I've pointed to Bartok, Rachmaninoff, Pudge, Professor Plum, who, as I already provided that information (and without anyone asking for it).

Play:

Say: Where's Pudge when you need him to say that a good or a bad thing?

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play:

Say: Why is that? I play the innocent routine. Of course, I already told you how to get me to stop. You didn't exercise that option, as I expected.

Play:

Say: How ironic.

Play:

Say: Where have I allegedly turn on you?

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Not when it doesn't identify the alleged non sequitors [sic] that you could simply dismiss an answer in the Barnes variations. At least one record company calls band music as pieces written for orchestra that exclude the wind section, so one could consider serious band music do not share the dislike that some do at least some of Alfred Reed's works, such as the former is irrelevant to this newsgroup?

Play:

Say: It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: Especially to anyone who reads your postings.

Play:

Say: I see that you are mistaken, and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: TDAMQ.

Play:

Say: That would be sufficient to justify the comparison, whereas you have your attributions confused.

Play: