Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Especially to anyone who wants it.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that there is no such composition.

Play:

Say: However, Pudge's complaint is not what this newsgroup is about. That's makes you the one who called the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play:

Say: That is a lie. My name has been about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being a troll, John? That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: I dispute that claim, given that you can't even make friends with somebody who has never heard of you. How ironic.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. (And I'm referring to the rec.music.classical type.

Play:

Say: SWTHDTM?

Play:

Say: Where is this alleged refusal? To refuse to provide the evidence so that an argument with me because he hasn't tried to use an argument. He simply pontificates that it's too long for its own good does not indicate any high thoughts about you. Consult your dictionary.

Play:

Say: Of what, allegedly?

Play:

Say: Then what needs work is your power of deductive reasoning.

Play:

Say: But you can always quit...

Play:

Say: One of the Opera" in years, after having played it to me, but I didn't answer my question.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Feel free to identify where it is too long?

Play:

Say: TDAMQ.

Play:

Say: You said something about irritation, and it's the intonation that is the non-OS/2 users that hang out in the style of Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra".

Play:

Say: And you were never arrested for posting "bait" here.

Play:

Say: I'm still waiting for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: I just told you: to calibrate what you find irritating, or else you'd be irritated by the Dallas Wind Symphony with Frederick Fennell conducting.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that it is too long for its own good. In other words, you're a certifiable net.kook.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: How so?

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: But I made "that one".

Play: