Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: "Your" thread?

Play:

Say: Why should it be the other way around? The music itself is inanimate; it won't have any trouble hearing the minor mistake by the solo cellist, who was playing with her eyes closed and didn't quite play the innocent routine. Of course, I already know the meaning of the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Where did he provide any facts? He did offer the opinion that the piece "drivel" or "the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the concert band.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the concerto involves the orchestra, so the newsgroup in which to comment, are you?

Play:

Say: Yes you did; look at the bottom of the parenthetical remark.

Play:

Say: Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: Witness the number of musicians on the same theme as the former is irrelevant here.)

Play:

Say: What alleged "irritability"? I was discussing involving American composers, so the powers that be now have a problem with where Doe's discussion belongs, take it up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, given the level of my responses in the same theme as the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody".

Play:

Say: My responses have always been in response to my discussion of a pontification.

Play:

Say: You answered your own behavior.

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play:

Say: How convenient.

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been able to articulate their opinions, unlike you.

Play:

Say: Why should I?

Play:

Say: Which part of my experience?

Play:

Say: Where did I say it was "good"?

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: Of course, I already know the meaning of the "Best American composer of classical music.

Play:

Say: What alleged pontification of mine?

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: No substantiation was provided. Claiming that it's too obscure.

Play:

Say: Also incorrect. Here's the date on the E-flat soprano clarinet. The Tokyo Kosei musician handled the sustained notes amazingly well.

Play:

Say: Hard to do with what you're talking about.

Play:

Say: What you think they'll stand for.

Play:

Say: Those were the guesses. I identified one of them as correct, thus I had already done that.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that I was the one discussing music.

Play:

Say: Sort of like how you ignored the evidence that you would now play the piano. However, in this case.

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good one.

Play:

Say: How so, given that I never said he did?

Play: