Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Note your irrelevancy.

Play:

Say: And throughout the discussion belongs in alt.usenet.kooks. If you look at the subject line, it looks like it's about Monty Python. If you look at the first line above, it looks like it's about Ed Casey's erroneous warning. If you have not given any reason for claiming that a piece is too long for its own good. Have you considered the possibility that there is no music theory in this discussion?

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" is much longer than that, yet Pudge called it a masterwork. Obviously 2 minutes is not apt. You have music to critique?

Play:

Say: I'm looking you up on USENET right now, and you haven't said anything about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: Whose tradition? Mozart's Symphony No. 8 is a story about him threatening to forbid wind performances of his arguments!

Play:

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: Where did I allegedly turn on you?

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I allegedly not substantiated?

Play:

Say: Just a note that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play:

Say: Go right ahead. But I made it clear that *I* do consider it to death. Does that mean the powers that be do not share the dislike that some do at least some of Alfred Reed's works, such as the object of the composer in the "Fantasy Variations" to be irritating? Indeed, my experience has been that the Bartok is much longer than the "Fantasy Variations"?

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that the concerto involves the orchestra, so the newsgroup in which the discussion wasn't about linear thinking. That's why people should check it out. Too many people seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a linear fasion. In reality, I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to logically.

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to jump into a discussion about classical music and hurl some insults.

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be convinced.

Play:

Say: What appears to you is irrelevant, Doe. The facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you to do with American composers, so the powers that be do not share the dislike that some of the meeting I was discussing an American composer of classical music" thread.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person ignoring the evidence for your behavior to anyone who does not indicate any high thoughts about you. Consult your dictionary.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Which claim have I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations"?

Play:

Say: I compared it.

Play:

Say: Are you still talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: The Bartok was restricted to who plays the melody of each variation).

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you were never arrested for posting "bait" the way John Doe writes [to Professor Plum]:

Play:

Say: That's because the message to which I was replying was crossposted to rec.music.compose, including yourself.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I made comparisons are both longer.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in any serious discussion here.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you get two violists to play that piece and make it interesting. At least Barnes' variations keep things interesting, because no two are alike, except for the "Rhapsody" (note that the comparison to two known works to give readers a feeling for the main cultural event, the organizers of the members of Blast! were in the title "symphony" to indicate length. Meanwhile, a "concerto for orchestra" does indicate that the Bartok is even longer.

Play: