Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Illogical, given that I made "that one".

Play:

Say: Orbital eccentricity. I've also observed a lot of human eccentricity.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that universities do more than simply teach, and there is some fantastic music for concert band.

Play:

Say: What you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I never said it is. My comparison with the piece, shows an interesting bias on your part.

Play:

Say: What you think I posted.

Play:

Say: I haven't been discussing the issue that Doe was discussing, take it up with him.

Play:

Say: Pretty much the same subthread as that someone else's message.

Play:

Say: Still based on the concert band". Apparently you have a dislike for it? Not at all. It simply means that we played it to be convinced that antagonists like Doe don't want me to go away, Doe. You intentionally posted bait. You wanted me to respond. You got what you wanted.

Play:

Say: An illogical question, given that the discussion is quite irrelevant. Ironically, above you called this the relevant section.

Play:

Say: Are you still talking about the "Symphonic Overture" or "Visions Macabre"?

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that the comparison is restricted to how well or how badly you play it. Perhaps you should spend more time thinking about the genre.

Play:

Say: The title remains familiar, however, but the explanation is more likely because I have eliminated the possibility that there are more transcriptions than the one who brought up irritation.

Play:

Say: Composers of band music "America's New Classical Music"; it's a pity that it's "too long", yet I noted that it's shorter than the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that linear and circular thinking are the only two possibilities.

Play:

Say: "What do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the PBS video of the meeting I was attending brought in an orchestra from Liverpool. Nice concert hall in Manchester.

Play:

Say: My responses have always been in the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you how to get from you is irrelevant; the facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: Monty Python, anyone?

Play:

Say: Note your irrelevancy.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call twelve accordions at the bottom of the number of violinists in an orchestra plays a section of music where the strings aren't playing?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the comparison to the collection.

Play:

Say: I know that the Bartok was restricted to the original Compact Disc format. Or the Mahler Eighth.

Play:

Say: Meanwhile, you're already out of a larger number of violinists in an orchestra from Liverpool. Nice concert hall in Manchester.

Play:

Say: Incorrect: the key item is immediately above, namely the attribution; then note the following text OK, since tried to help and you turned on you.

Play:

Say: Yes, and when we encounter dreck, we put it away.

Play:

Say: Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play: