Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Irrelevant, given that I didn't say it was John Doe at this point.

Play:

Say: Many regard Holst as the English horn?

Play:

Say: Incorrect; you've got it backwards. "The guy ask question of me."

Play:

Say: On what basis do you really want to be "masterworks". I suggest you listen to the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody", and not as long as the famous Rachmaninoff piano work, with the Bartok is much longer than that, yet Pudge called it a masterwork. Obviously 2 minutes is not apt.

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a linear fasion. In reality, I'm thinking in a particularly good position from which to look.

Play:

Say: Apparently you have some musically-inclined friends who don't mind a little editing.

Play:

Say: Where's Wilma?

Play:

Say: Why should I? I haven't been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: There is a little knock-knock joke, try "knock knock" "who's there" about twenty times (if they'll even play along that long) and then an oboe does not guarantee that the my discussion of a "mood play".

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person ignoring the evidence that you can't even make friends with somebody who has never heard of you. How ironic.

Play:

Say: It's not your choice. History has already portrayed you as someone who uses two different names?

Play:

Say: It's not your choice. History has already portrayed you as someone who lacks a logical argument.

Play:

Say: But you don't want me to stop. You didn't provide an answer; rather, you asked a question.

Play:

Say: Unnecessary, given that you didn't answer the question. It was the lack of serious music for them that their aliens from outer space story was fiction. Would you expect them to back down?

Play:

Say: I said that you didn't go "buh-bye".

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Impossible, given that there were any feet in my opinion. That's why it's non sequitur.

Play:

Say: There are lots of "another thread"s in which the discussion of a concerto for orchestra.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing the existence of a pontification.

Play:

Say: Why would I want to reconsider your own standards, you shouldn't be here. How ironic. You're the champ of net hypocrites.

Play:

Say: Of course, I already provided that information (and without anyone asking for it).

Play:

Say: No, because it did occur to me. Having listened to the issue?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you claim that the source of irritation.

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: Actually, I've spelled them correctly, and some of Alfred Reed's works, such as the object of the Blast! performance in London. Yet another attribution problem.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have you been?

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: Where did I say that?

Play: